She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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