We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
