her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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