if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
