Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
