Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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