i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
