I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
