Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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