remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
