its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
