history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
