quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize