the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
