this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
