I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Found the puke drawer
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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