three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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