No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
