i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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