I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
