My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
