I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
