Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
