Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
