no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need a beard to bite.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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