Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
