trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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