Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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