did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My orgasm happened in two different decades
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
