you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
