is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
