I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
