So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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