My friends, they love my intelligence
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
