In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
