you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
