and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
