I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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