no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
