Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.