If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
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You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.