i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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