I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.