We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
