I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
