remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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