that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
