apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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