I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she smelled like a LAN party
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
