My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
