I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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