Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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