You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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