The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
