god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
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Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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