its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
false alarm, still single
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
