why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
