Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
