She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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