wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
