do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
