I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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