You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
