need another drink. this is the easiest way
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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