no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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