I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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